When the man comes around

The last month, has been quite forgettable and destructive.

I'm not sure how many units of alcohol have been consumed.

Or how my credit card got maxed out. Or why people smile at me and shake their heads when I open the minibar at the office at 5 pm. I'm not sure what I feel aside from disgust. I'm not sure what's kicking in my stomach. I'm not sure what time I came home or if I passed out. Or who I tried to talk to. Or how I got tackled by a bouncer and hauled down 2 flights of stairs by my neck.

I can't remember.

and I don't particularly want to.

Chuan came over the other morning; I was wasted. 'Hey, hey hey' I said to him, 'So hey, like you always see movies and read the books about the guy who goes back into time to stop himself from doing something (and then gets stuck there). But why don't you ever see the guy from the present jumping into the future to discover his full potential (only to be stuck there in the future)? Is it that much of a logical enigma that it has escaped fiction entirely?' - Actually I doubt it has - but it was early in the morning.

I told Daniel about this later in the day (cont..) I think you'd possibly look back (from the future) and go 'wow!' - I don't recognize myself. I don't remember wanting to do any of these things that I've done. I didn't think I'd be married to her. or get tied down to this. or get that deep into that.

But then there's the other scenario where you catch yourself looking at a much much more predictable scaled-up version of whatever you are right now. Like a lateral job move, with the exact 20% pay-raise doing the same old things just under a different fluorescent tube.

What if the future you saw you and burst into tears, because he'd spent every day of the last 20 years of his life trying to return to being you. What if you realized at that very moment that that was your renaissance, the two of you meeting in the future, that you'd just be this nostalgia-hugger person. And that rather unexplainably, you'd just both arrived and met at that moment simultaneously.

I'm not sure if you could consider either alternative much happier. Either way you'd have strangely missed out on however much plot you selectively skipped forward to - and didn't really get anything out of it - It would essentially be like slipping into a coma for several years and then waking up. Or alternatively spent that time drunk and drinking.

Daniel says we should make a film about it.

There's not much point, I say.

It'd just be like writing a spoiler into the synopsis.

Or in my case - just waking up tomorrow.

I woke up that tomorrow though, and would remember one memory ; A single thread that strung a series of deep and desperate feelings together, culminating in a delicate series of kisses.

It was at that point that the tomorrow guy saw me and told me to get my shit together and run.
run after that feeling.